Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
