had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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