I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
