Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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