Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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