then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
