Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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