When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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