I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
