The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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