there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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