I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
