he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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