Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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