The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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