I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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