butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
