So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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