Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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