i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
