I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
