somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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