He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
