Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
