Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
