Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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