Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
