Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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