Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
