I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
