You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
