why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
