she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
