why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
