I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
