Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
