Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
