You just made me feel so damn special
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
