How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
