i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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