woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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