Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
