Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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