im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
