I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
