I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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