I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The Olympian is in my bed
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
