I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
