Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
