My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
