she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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