i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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