hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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