so that wasnt chicken after all
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
