Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
