I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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